The Path to TOPSurgery I

For quite some time I stated that I wanted to be neither male nor female. I believe that if I was born M, I would still gravitate toward the middle.  My wife loves the parts of me that blend both the M and the F, and there are characteristics of both that I cherish. I finally discovered that it wasn't neither, but both.

That could make for some pretty busy physiology!  So instead of adding body parts, I clearly knew that I wanted to remove some. 

I felt very torn about having top surgery. Not because having a flat, more male appearing chest wasn’t on my top 5 list of important things in my life, but because I didn’t want to transition to male.

I read a lot about the process of transitioning; first about M to F, then about F to M.

The hormones, dressing and living as the gender for a year, changing the name, psychological evaluations, etc.

I didn’t want all of that because I didn’t want either of the gender binary choices. I actually felt lost for about 10 years.  I was depressed because I felt that there wasn’t even a place for me in the LGBTQIA alphabet soup! But that all changed; in our society and our health care systems.

Now in the 20-teens, there existed a whole generation that contained many individuals who just didn’t give a duck about gender or sexual preference; as a matter of fact, many young people that I met and read about don’t even HAVE sexual preference.  They just go with it. I like or am attracted to you – we will figure out the parts in bed.  I attended my first Transgender Support Group, surprisingly supported by my employer (a large health system in Northern CA), in December 2016.  There I met a wide range of TG people. Several transwomen, some surgical, some not. But what impressed me the most were the pairs of parents and kids.  One mom with her TG son (who wished to M to F) and one dad with his TG daughter (who wanted to F to M). I saw these tweens and teens, and was so inspired by their bravery – and that of their parents.  I thought back 50 years to my own parents.  How different and wonderful things are now.  I had just turned 58 years of age in September, and that night I vowed to have top surgery before my 60^th birthday.