Gender Non-binary: I wouldn't call it a failure

Sometime in the Spring or early Summer of 2017, my friend JS gave me the book:

Gender Failure

By (author) Ivan Coyote and Rae Spoon

I read the beginning chapters, and learned about the authors and their stories about trying to pass (as male) and the abuse and ridicule that they received (no surprise there). It is so perplexing to me that so many people, especially men, take offense to both men and women presenting as something other than their stereotype.  How, in the whole scheme of things, does this really affect you??  World view according to you?Mind your own business!
At any rate, the book was interesting, but I found myself putting it down when I reached the chapter about top surgery. I didn't touch it again for months.  I just told myself that it wasn't really interesting, or well written. Or maybe didn't apply to me, because I didn't want to be a man. I think subconsciously I didn't want to read what the author had to say.  I didn't want bad news as it turns out. I didn't want to learn more frustrating information. I was stuck. The goal of having top surgery by the time I was 60 was slowly slipping away.  Then JS and I had lunch and she, being so very upbeat and optimistic, urged me out of my funk, and encouraged me to finish reading the book.  Well, per the title, it did in a sort of long-told roundabout way, tell the story of not failing as a person trying to pass the male gender as I had originally thought, but failing to be a gender at all.  Just like me. 
My wife encouraged me to see my GP and tell her what I wanted to do.  I scheduled the appointment. And on my pre-visit paperwork I was supposed to indicate why I was there. The medical assistant asked me why I was there.  I felt sooooo vulnerable and small. 
I am a strong person, and I have been through some tough things, but for some reason, asking for this, top surgery, was so very difficult. 

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