The Converter

The wonderful lesbian and women's rights movement made thinking about my male-ness rare. I was content with being a strong woman. And I certainly didn't want to be a man. But as much as I identified with the woman's movement, I didn't really want to be one. I also came to grips with the fact that I was attracted to of all things......straight women.  Right, I liked fems. No more searching for a carbon copy of myself. No more identifying with what I like to call "dyke-alikes"; a female couple who looked somewhat androgynous, exactly the same - whether it was flannel shirts or sports uniforms. 
I spent the next 2 decades being what my friends like to call, "the converter". I would become interested in a women who was previously (or currently) straight, and bring her over to "the dark side". Honestly I believe these women to be very normal, that is, they are open to fluidity of sexual preference. I will tell you how many of them said, "I am not gay, I just love you". Sorry Laura, you were not the first to utter that sentiment! I am continuing to learn how many of my female friends, colleagues, school associates and the like, have had same-sex love affairs, although they identify as straight. The more we understand and are open to our human-ness, and the reality of how we express ourselves, the less shaming and fear-based actions people like me will receive. 
Why do we so desperately need to put people into dichotomous sex or gender categories? So that we know how to treat them? What color blanket to buy for the baby shower? How much to pay them or if they may go out on maternity leave? Or is it more insidious? How desperately do we  need to understand our environment and the people in it? How much does gender ambiguity cause discomfort - and more importantly, why? How many times have you struggled upon meeting a baby to say "oh, isn't (s)he beautiful/handsome"?  And please, those colored ribbons or elastic bands that people put on the heads of baby girls??  People do you know that their cranial sutures are not knitted? Please stop!  We are willing, perhaps unknowingly, to harm our babies so that everyone KNOWS that they are a girl...And don't get me started on baby girls in China...

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