After attending my first TG support group in December 2016 at the age of 58, I decided then that I would have TOPSurgery before I turned 60. I had recently learned through a company newsblast, that my employer, Sutter Health (a large company that is self-insured for health care) was now paying for TG surgeries! I was shocked and elated. So, I knew what I wanted, but had zero idea how to go about it. I thought that a psychological evaluation would be required. I also believed that it would be helpful to have a therapist help support me through this process. Not unlike the situation with other aspects of mental health care,resources are tight. These type of counselors who specialize in TG issues (at least in my area) were few and not seeing any new clients. I did find one person who was willing to hold a phone interview with me and provide a letter stating my situation and her evaluation that I was appropriate for surgery. This took about one month; then I felt that I was ready to move forward. I contacted a trans-guy NL, that I knew through a friend, and asked him which surgeon had performed his top surgery - recommendations are always good. He was so relieved that I thought that he had surgery - as it turned out, he was still binding. NL shared that he had visited and interviewed several surgeons, both in the Sacramento and San Francisco area but found that the only surgeon that he felt did a good enough job that would allow him to confidently take off his shirt in public, without revealing very obvious and disfiguring scars, was down in Los Angeles. This was very concerning to me. NL is very earnest and had done some pretty thorough investigation, and I wondered what to do next. I emailed the Sacramento TG resource center for some recommendations. I had gotten the list of therapists who specialize in TG issues from the website, so surely there would be recommendations for surgeons. After 3 unreturned emails I was quite dejected. So I thought that I would contact a prominent surgeon in the Sutter Health system who practiced in the Bay Area specializing in TG surgery for information on referrals, etc. After visiting her website and emailing as directed for information, I received no response. I sent a second email indicating that I was an employee of the same health system hoping that would get a response. Nothing. I phoned another surgeon's office in my area for information, and did not get a return phone call. It was now Spring 2017 and I felt defeated. I know that referrals are necessary, but I just wanted some information on how best to proceed; what was needed and from whom. I became inert. I already had trepidation about the whole 'transitioning' thing; I became more depressed, frustrated, and dejected. Except for my wife, I had not really spoken to anyone about my quest. I had a work colleague, JS, whose daughter was "gay" and dating a trans-guy. She had always been a religious person, but eschewed her religion because of the lack of acceptance of people like her child. She was fierce in her defense of her child's choices, and bravely modeled love and acceptance. We were kindred spirits, and we talked a lot about our experiences. She told me that her daughter was doing her Master's thesis on TG and mentioned a book that her daughter recommended to her, that I might consider reading.
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