TOPSurgery: "T"estosterone
While awaiting my consult with the plastic surgeon who would perform my TOPSurgery, my gender-care specialist Dr. G suggested several options to help me feel more like myself, and become more aligned with the gender that I felt internally. I was open to hearing why Dr. G felt that taking testosterone injections or "T", would help me feel better. My wife feared that I would become louder, more aggressive, and lose my feminine qualities that she found appealing, and were missing from past relationships with men. She really didn't want me to be, well, more like a dude.
Looking back with a more educated eye, I realized that the depression that I had been struggling with was really present on and off since I was a child. I could now admit that although I prided myself with coping with my sexual preference, and the appearance that I felt accompanied that, I really was sincerely unhappy with the physical and political implications of being sexually a female. Dr. G assured my wife that in contrast to the general perception that taking T would make me more aggressive and perhaps insensitive, that for most people in my situation, taking T helped us to feel better, more relaxed, and experience less angst.
There were side effects however that needed some consideration. These include: increased body and facial hair, deepening of the voice and change in the jaw structure; hair loss if male-pattern baldness is in my genes, and changes in body fat deposition to the midsection. And finally, enlargement of the genitals; specifically significant enlargement of the clitoris. Emotionally, the only reported effect was that some people that take T find it harder to cry. I never had a problem crying before, and often did so when I became very frustrated, sometimes at work, so maybe this would be a good thing!
At any rate, I wasn't immediately excited about many of these effects to be honest. But there was just something about the thought of FEELING better that captured my interest. I decided to try "low-dose" T injections, which is 2/3 of "high-dose". My doctor explained that all of these effects would take months to years to occur. So, before I even got T approved by my insurance company, I took my first weekly injection on April 30th, 2018.
The placebo effect occurred even before I injected. I just felt 'in-control' of my gender choices for the first time EVER! I felt better just knowing that I could have control over at least the bodily characteristics that came with taking testosterone. Hang on for the wild ride.
P.S. My prescription was ultimately approved and now I have an inexpensive out-of-pocket co-pay. One vial of T lasts many months. A low cost treatment that can mean a world of difference
Looking back with a more educated eye, I realized that the depression that I had been struggling with was really present on and off since I was a child. I could now admit that although I prided myself with coping with my sexual preference, and the appearance that I felt accompanied that, I really was sincerely unhappy with the physical and political implications of being sexually a female. Dr. G assured my wife that in contrast to the general perception that taking T would make me more aggressive and perhaps insensitive, that for most people in my situation, taking T helped us to feel better, more relaxed, and experience less angst.
There were side effects however that needed some consideration. These include: increased body and facial hair, deepening of the voice and change in the jaw structure; hair loss if male-pattern baldness is in my genes, and changes in body fat deposition to the midsection. And finally, enlargement of the genitals; specifically significant enlargement of the clitoris. Emotionally, the only reported effect was that some people that take T find it harder to cry. I never had a problem crying before, and often did so when I became very frustrated, sometimes at work, so maybe this would be a good thing!
At any rate, I wasn't immediately excited about many of these effects to be honest. But there was just something about the thought of FEELING better that captured my interest. I decided to try "low-dose" T injections, which is 2/3 of "high-dose". My doctor explained that all of these effects would take months to years to occur. So, before I even got T approved by my insurance company, I took my first weekly injection on April 30th, 2018.
The placebo effect occurred even before I injected. I just felt 'in-control' of my gender choices for the first time EVER! I felt better just knowing that I could have control over at least the bodily characteristics that came with taking testosterone. Hang on for the wild ride.
P.S. My prescription was ultimately approved and now I have an inexpensive out-of-pocket co-pay. One vial of T lasts many months. A low cost treatment that can mean a world of difference
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